I hate you so much.

I am going to punch you in the face, kick him in the balls, say goodbye to Gennie, and fly away.

Shut your filthy mouth.

Don't make me get the belt.

I am going to hit you in the face with this phonebook.

Come here.

Now I am going to punch you in the throat, because I don't want to kill you, and you have to perform tonight, but I want you to stop talking.

That's one.

I am going to kick you until you stop moving.

Screw writing. Your feet alone are freakish enough to make me rich. Rich! I'll take you down to the Southern Sates and display you. I'll make a fortune!
*rubs hands together gleefully*

With my bare hands.

Just wait until we get home.

Labels: Snaring the New West Tour

Between the Christening, Holy Beep!, Deathly Hallows, the Great Cheese Refrigeration Crisis 2007, and Ed's Network Plus Extravaganza, too much has happened. Instead, I am going to write about what is coming. Because nothing spells doom quite like trying to dictate the future. Seeing as I have a crush on Doom, I'd say it's worth the risk.

In 72 hours, I will be on a plane heading for Ontario. I'll be in Windsor/Amherstburg from August 1st til the 9th and in Toronto from the 10th until the 15th. For the first 10 days or so, I'll be staying with my parents, eating my mother's excellent cooking, taking long walks, and fending off mosquitoes. I'll also be visiting everyone I haven't seen in WAY TOO LONG, meeting some babies for the first time, seeing some kids that I haven't seen since they were babies. At least once, I'll be going to Bubi's and eating a deadly amount of garlic and deep fried dough. I intend to recharge.

In TO, I'll be staying with Gennie, spending all the time I can with my girls, glorying in the heat and humidity. I can't wait to see Gennie's new apartment. I can't wait to see Em and congratulate her, really and in person, on the huge positive life change she's made and how much happier and healthier I know she is. I can't wait to see Tiff and thanks her, from the bottom of my heart, for my socks. I can't wait to see Jess and Tom and meet Rohan for the first time.

Just before I leave, with a little luck, I'll be taking care of the very last bits of paper work associated with my thesis. If luck is not on my side, it'll have to wait until I return from my biannual Ontario recharge. Either way, my thesis is in it's epilogue stage. For how well my defense went and how rockin' the associated party was, there was something anticlimactic about the experience. Once the hangover wore off, there were still revisions to make forms to get signed and copies to be bound. Now, very soon, it'll be completely over. When that happens, I have a feeling I am either going to settle down on the couch with a few ounces of Scotch and feel very proud of myself, or gulp back a few ounces of Scotch and have a good cry. Either way, it is almost over.

I am also starting to plan the Book Tour, which was originally going to be fun, breathlessly exciting, but pretty standard for a first book reading-and-drinking-extravaganza. Now, however, it's gotten completely out of hand, and completely awesome. The plan, as it stands, is for William Neil Scott, ryan fitzpatrick, and I to load ourselves, out books, and survival gear into a retro-fitted short bus and drive across the breadth of Canada for 4 weeks, promoting the books and touring the literary landscape, while a documentary is made of our trip. It's going to be awesome. It's going to be insane. I may or may not survive.

Labels: Anxiety, Snaring the New West Tour, Travelling