I know. I know
. I am a smart person and I should have figured that out my damn self. I have eyes and relatively passable skills of observation, and plenty of married folk to look at in my everyday surroundings. I mean, I knew that things were going to be different. In fact, if asked, I would readily and happily admit that things are very different. But, for some reason, I didn't equate different or changing drastically with any kind of difficulty because am a) usually pretty flexible and thrive on change, and b) am just stupid sometimes.
I figured something out today: the best thing about being married (for me, anyway) is also trning out to be the most difficult thing. I have been asked several dozen times since July if I feel any difference since getting hitched -- especially since Ed and I were living together before the big merger of lives and stuff for all eternity. My answer has always been yes, and it was this: everything was much more certain and secure. When you're dating someone, living with them, even if you have been with them for years and your stuff and cats and lives are all indistinguishable from each other, there is forever an unspoken caveat attached to everything you say and all the plans you make. Whenever you say you're going on a vacation or buying a house or doing whatever in X number of months or years, there's always the silent, but definitely attached, 'if we're still together' tag. And like any tag, no matter how comfortable the rest of the sweater is, it iches intolerably.
Being married took that tag off. The default setting has been switched from 'if' to 'when.' There is a constant, subconscious assumption (whatever the culture says otherwise) that we will be togther now for the rest of our lives. It's a wonderful, safe feeling that makes plans and discussions and even buying groceries so much less stressful, because you know no matter what you're be bringing your plans to fruition, whether buying a house or just eating dinner, together.
However, now we're together forever. And I, unexpectedly and much to my deep chagrin, am getting grumpy. With the caveat removed and all that forever-ness firmly in place, I am finding that stuff I would have ordinarily blown off or ignored or not even notice is starting to rankle. Things I knew completely and full well about Ed before the ring was on my finger, things I maybe even thought were cute, are suddenly very very obvious. I DO NOT want to be an irritable wife. I am not a grumpy person. But I think that since I know now that it's not my boyfriend who is competitive or forgetful or waits until he has absolutely no underpants left to do the laundry, it is my HUSBAND now and I am going to be living with it for the rest of my life.
I love Ed. he reads to me and smells fantastic and tracks down hilarious videos on the internet. He keeps out homw network running smoothly and is adorable when he watches football, and likes my cooking. I love him. He is the only one for me.
But when we're playing Mario Party 7, and he starts PICKING ON ME MERCILESSLY IN THE MINIGAMES because I was WINNING until he started CHEATING, really serious start considering KILLING HIM IN HIS SLEEP.
Also, he cheats at Settlers of Catan. And he takes way too long to take his turns in Civilization IV. AUTOMATE YOUR WORKERS some of the damn time.
Finally, the next time we're talking, and he gets that glazed over look and snickers, because he's doing comedy in his head, I am either going to take a deep breath and count and calmly ask him to rejoin the conversation, or STAB MYSELF IN THE EYE WITH AN ICEPICK. I lover Richard Jeni too, and punkfaggot is a hilarious word, BUT WE ARE TALKING ABOUT BUYING A CAR OR OUR RELATIONSHIP OR SOME SERIOUS CRAP AND BY THE WAY IF I STEP ON ONE MORE USED KLEENEX ON THE FLOOR I AM GOING TO DRINK LIQUID PLUMBR.
Marital bliss. =)
This has been sent to be exactly 577 times now, so here it goes. I hope you're all proud of yourselves.
1. How tall are you?
5'2". Until I was about 11 or 12, I was always one of the tallest kinds in my class. My pediatrician told my parents I was going to be tall and thin, maybe a model like my aunt. I hit 13 and stopped. growing. entirely.
2. Do you own a gun?
I have a little plastic one that stoots suction darts. great for relaying messages and attracting the attention of recalcitrant husbands.
3. Rehab? Counseling?
Never more than a single session.
4. Have you ever killed an animal?
No, unless spiders count. I was in a car driven by a friend's father in grade school, though, when we ran over a cat. He was going to flee, at which point I calmly informed him I would call the SPCA if he didn't take the cat to a vet immediately. He did, and refused to allow his son to play with me any more.
5. Are you Irish?
Russian/Ukrainian and Dutch.
6. What do you think of hot dogs?
For ground up lips and assholes in a sausage skin, not bad.
7. What's your favorite Christmas song?
We Three Kings. I can do the harmony.
8. What is your favorite smell?
Where I grew up, there was a woodlot behind my house. In the late spring, all these little green things, little succulent mosses and scrub violets and lily of the valley, would all pop out of the loam. I would read in a tree there. I loved the air there.
I also love anything with cinnamon baking in the oven, and Ed's cologne.
9. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
Irish breakfast tea, water, or orange juice mixed with white wine when I've had a rough night.
10. Do you do push-ups?
Ha! HAhahahahahahahaha! hoo-wah. Sure.
11. Have you been shot?
With a pellet gun and a bow and arrow, but I don't know if that counts.
13. Have you ever been hospitalized?
Never overnight. I hate hospitals and refuse to stay. I've had many a visit to emerg' and a few minor surgeries, though.
14. Do you like painkillers?
I really hate taking medication and will avoid it if at all possible, though when I have a migraine coming I'll pop Advil like skittles. When I had surgery on my jaw, though, I was given percocet and a little morphine. That was AWESOME.
15. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?
Ha! HAHAHhahahahaha. right.
I can cook, though, so I suppose that counts. I've also been told I have nerd girl appeal, so I suppose I have that in my favour, for those of you who dig chicks with specs.
16. Do you own a knife?
I own a beautiful set of Wusthof kitchen knives (a chef's, 12" carving, 10" bread, utility, and paring) that cost more than both our wedding rings and my engagement ring combined. I adore them.
17. Do you have A.D.D?
18. Do you love the pain a tattoo brings?
I am sure I would if I encountered it.
19. Name five drinks you regularly drink:
Orange juice, lots of tea, white wine, water, and Coke. Runner's up include dr. pepper, grape juice and smoothies.
20. What's in your CD player?
I think we still have The Producers soundtrack in the kitchen stereo. Otherwise, I have all the music I own in my ipod.
21. What's under your bed?
My tool kit, some storage bins filled with linens, sewing equipment, some flat boxes.
22. Current hair?
shoulder length (needs a cut) and very blond with rapidly fading pink bits.
23. What are you wearing?
plaid pajama pants my mom made, a white tank top, and the most comfortable socks in the world.
24. Current worry?
25. Current loves?
Ed, teaching, this current writing groove, the unseasonably wonderful weather.
26. Current hates?
Applications. I think they make them all suck this bad so most people will just give up.
27. Favorite place to be?
In my bed. I love my bed.
28. Least favorite place to be?
Hospitals. I can't deal with the smell and the aura of disinfected, repressed horror. I'll convalesce at home, thank you.
29. Can you play a musical instrument?
I used to play the piano. I still have the musical awareness but the dexterity is mostly gone now.
30. Favorite color?
Blue and orange.
31. Person(s) from your past with whom you wish you could be right now?
32. Where would you like to go?
Thailand, Japan, Korea, Austailia, Iceland, the South of France, Switzerland, Spain, Antiparos in Greece, Kenya, India, New Mexico and Arizona, Cuba...Everywhere.
33. Where do you want to live?
I think I'd like to settle on the west coast, though property is insanely expensive out there now. Wherever I can get tenure, really.
34. Favorite food?
Lasagna, anything involving really good cheese, fresh raw vegetables, grilled chicken, home made pie, and pad thai. I like many, many things, however.
35. Number of pillows you sleep with?
One pillow and an Ed.
36. What do you wear when you go to sleep?
Very comfortable pajamas. Lots of flannel and cotton.
37. What were you doing at 12:00 AM last night?
Whether or not I should make Ed drink another half litre of water before he fell asleep, and whether he would realize he was staring to externalize his inner monologue again.
38. What do you think you'll be doing in ten years?
Teaching and writing, the same thing I am doing now. Maybe I'll be getting paid a little more, though.
39. First piercing/tattoo?
40. Latest crush?
I just watched the Corpse Bride again and remembered how much I adore Johnny Depp's Victor in that film. I also adore Dr. Doom, Raistlin, Severus Snape, and the Phantom of the Opera. Real people are so uncrushable.
41. Last thing you ate?
a quarter of a slice of pizza that appeared to be deep-fried.
42. If you could be a pirate, would you?
While the romanticism is somewhat appealing, the lack of bathing is something I cannot abide.
43. Do you have an iPod?
Hells yes. I love my ipod. WHEN IT WORKS.
44. When and why did you last vomit?
That would be at Paul Kennet's birthday party. It ensured I did not get alcohol poisoning and was actually okay enough to cook bacon the next morning. At one point in the evening, everything starting getting very fuzzy, whereas a few things came into focus. I fled to the bathroom and stared intot he toilet for 20 minutes, then d.b. strating pounding on the door and bellowing at me to come out, he needed the bathroom too. so I crawled out, sat in the middle of the kitchen floor, and very quietly asked Jill for "a thing." She handed me a bucket. She and Paul were even kind enough to let me sleep over. It was a great party.
45. What's in your pockets right now?
I have no pockets. In my old jeans, I have some cherry halls, a loonie, and my office key.
46. What color are your bedroom walls?
off-white and covered with...things.
47. Last thing that made you laugh?
Ed's morning hairdo. I hope if I keep doing impressions of his sentient hair he'll get it cut one day.
48. Any pets now?
Lydia and Sir George Yellowbelly.
49. Innie or an outty?
50. Do you have any piercings?
51. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
Hmm. I'd like to say robin's egg blue, but I'm sure it's more like a very natural, yarrow or dandelion yellow.
52. Have you ever won any awards?
Sure. Some even had money attached.
53. How many TVs do you have in your house?
One. It is large, for football.
54. Have you ever sprained/broken/fractured a bone?
Shockingly, I have never broken anything. I seem to have a thing for flesh wounds.
55. If you could pick one person to make out with, who would it be?
Do they have to be real? The Phantom of the Opera.
56. What do you think of the person who posted this before you?
You twinkle, you glow, and you make me laugh. Viva the Vive.
57. What are your initials
58. Ever been given a ring?
Three. Two I still wear.
59. Longest relationship?
Just shy of 4 years. Ed and I will be surpassing that one shortly, I think. =)
60. Last gift you gave?
I gave Madeleine a t-shirt with her name on it last night.
61. Last gift you received?
Um...some date squares and a sweater and some chocolate, I think.
62. How many times have you dropped your cell?
about 6 billion times. Go resiliant little Moto.
63. Last sport played?
Does Catan count? I think Catan should count. Otherwise, ultimate frisby.
64. Where do you live?
in a little basement apartment in deepest Calgary.
65. High school you attend(ed):
St. Thomas of Villanova in LaSalle
66. Cell phone service provider?
Bell. It works in the elevator.
67. Favorite mall store?
Fruits and Passion. Pear/linden rules.
68. Longest job held?
I worked in a bank for two years...but blech. All my jobs tend to be the research assistant/temp teachign variety that last a term at a time, but I do that quite steadily, albeit for different people and in different contexts.
69. Do you prank call people?
70. Last wedding attended?
71. First friend you would call if you won the lottery?
Gennie or Emily.
72. Last time you attended church?
Eeesh, at my wedding, I think.
73. Favorite lake?
Lake Louise. I miss Lake Erie, but its far too filthy.
74. How many Harry Potters book have you read?
All of them. repeatedly. with great enthusiasm. I love Snape.
75. How old are you?
76. Favorite fast food restaurant?
I don't do fast food. I like Jugo Juice, I suppose.
77. Biggest lie you've heard?
Pick any Bush-ism you'd like.
78. Where do you work?
dANDelion Magazine, and as a research assistant/galley slave in the English department here at the U of C. I worked at Bound and Copied for a while as well.
79. What's your favorite flower?
Gerbera daisies, I think.
80. Can you cook?
From the appreciate noises people make when I set plates in front of them, I'd say yes.
81. Car you drive?
I don't. I have no depth perception, and am just a flat out bad driver besides. I never got further than my beginner's. I am very happy living somewhere where public transit is an option.
82. Worst kisser?
I don't know if I have ever had a really bad kiss. A couple in need of toothbrush and mouthwash, but nothing terrible.
83. Most hated food?
Do I hate any food? Anything with a really unpleasant texture, like runny eggs or the skin that forms on top of pudding, will certainly trigger my gag reflex. Maybe really spicy stuff, because it burns me. But I am not sure I hate anything.
84. Thing you hate most about yourself?
Er. The slight emotional irrationality that comes from owning a uterus is mildly annoying, and I wish my stomach was flatter and my skin more clear, but there's nothing I really hate.
85. Have a secret you can't tell?
Sure. And that's on top of all the secrets I regularly tell.
86. Favorite soda?
87. Can you sing?
Sort of. I have no training, if that is what this means, but I can stay on pitch and find harmony fairly well.
88. Last concert attended?
I think it was Da Vinci's Notebook in Lansing.
89. Last movie rented?
Session 9. One of the scariest movies I have ever seen. It's really fabulously great.
It has gotten to the point where the guilt of not updating for so long has kept me away from this blog -- which is just getting silly. And since I am in a "getting things done" kind of space, why not check this off the list of Things That Plague Natalie Just Before She Falls Asleep.
Christmas was fantastic. This was my first official grown-up Christmas: I cooked Christmas Eve dinner (with lots of help) for my family, got grown up presents like socks and a new frying pan and good cheese and beautiful new cookbooks, and spent a 72-hour period around Christmas itself running around like a maniac trying to get all the visiting in. There's always been some splitting up of Christmas day with boyfriends and the like, but there's always been My Family and His Family. Now there's Our family -- and it's huge. It's neat to have suddnely expanded your base of immediate relatives by about sevenfold (there sure are a lot of Schmutzes running about), but by the 28th I was very, very happy to be home too -- if only to be able to starfish (the bed Ed and I shared at my parents' place was a single -- great for snuggling, nto great for space) and not have to see anyone if I bloody well chose not to.
We saw The Producers on Christmas night -- I was a little unsure at the beginning of the movie, as it is definitely a filmed version of the stageplay rather that a stageplay reworked into a film, but by the end I was laughing so hard I didn't care. That movie is *hilarious.* Gary Beach, I will forever sing your praises and you look smashing is a cocktail dress.
We had a really great time with my brother this visit. I forget how darn funny he is until I am weak and in pain in the passenger seat of his Jetta because I have not stopped laughing for 20 solid minutes and Michaels STOP BEING FUNNY or I am seriously going tp RUPTURE SOMETHING. It looks like he's going to be visiting us, maybe for an extended time, this summer, which will be awesome. A couple of his best friends have moved out here to scope out the job market, and it is possible that in another year when his undergrad is done, he might start eyeballing the fair City of the Stampede himself. And thus, the Western exodus of the Walschotsen will continue.
It was lovely to see so many of my friends. Emily and Jess and Vive and I had dinner together just before I left, something I hope we can do again and tunr into a tradition. They all looked lovely and seem so happy and doing so well. Jessica's son, Quinn, in one of the neatest, handsomest babies ever, and visiting with her and seeing how together and happy and rewarding mommyhood can be makes me less terrified by the whole prospect. Em and Vive are both doing what they want to be, and it's cool to see them full of energy again. We had some of our old dynmaic, certainly, but we're getting to be adults now. I am married, Jess is a mom and plnning her wedding, Vibe is due to be engaged any second now and Em has an actual career going -- again, it's a bit spooky and grown-up, but much more fun than I expected to.
Speaking of babies, Henry and Romina's daughter Sierra is also AWESOME. she and I are homies now. she let me feed her peas.
We saw a lot of Glen and Sue, which was wonderful. We helped them paint a bit and their home is really coming along. They were so good and patient and generous to us, letting us crash repeatedly on their couch, hosting parties and generally putting up with us, that they really deserve a medal.
Everyone else we saw: thanks for making our visit incredilbe. Everyone we didn;t get a chance to see: we love you and miss you and we'll work it out next time.
Summary: more of you rockin people need to MOVE OUT HERE. dammit.
I have discovered what may be the best game ever designed -- for me, that is. Katamari Damacy. I know it's beena phenomenon now for a while, I am slow with some things so shut up. I got a chance to spend a few hours rolling about and the sheer, inexplicable delight of picking up an elephant for the first time was amazing. And the squid! The Jumbo Aquaman! I am terrified I might end up buying a PS2 just for this game.
Also: Robot Chicken is teh awesorm. "Voltron represent!" Lindsay Lohan starring in a remake of Anne Frank! The Hulk on crack! The World's Most One-Sided Fist Fights! Optimus Prime gets prostate cancer! "behold the stench of Skeletor's breakfast burrito!" It has touched my heart.
Between the media and recovery time, Ed and I spent New Year's in Canmore with Jeremy, Natalee and co. I had a lovely time losing at pool, talking to Jonathan about music, poking poor Neil when he started to lose ay and all logical continuity, and watching the second season of Little Britain. His parents' home is so beautiful. In the morning, we had an awesome breakfast, complete with OJ and champagne, and rocking eggs benedict. I need to perfect hollandaise. Need. So good.
Since then, Ed's getting back into the work groove. He really, really likes his new job. I think I've said this to several people but I'm going to write it here too: it is WONDERFUL to see him happy, doing something rewarding and technical that he genuinely likes. He comes home happy and energetic, gets all excited when he talks about work, and doesn't even mind getting up in the morning. Our marriage is happier because he is happier.
Our relationship is always good, but now, and for a while before, it was absolutely spectacular. Whiel I've been content, I'd be lying if I didn't look back to that somewhat magical year or so and think: what's changed? Nothing is wrong, certainly, everything is in fact very good. It is just and early sprkle thing I miss? But it's back. I finally realized when that was, what the connection is between then and now: Ragtime.
In the fall of 2003, Ed got a supporting lead in the musical Ragtime. He'd been preparing for the role ever since he's heard, a year or so in advance, that the amateur company he volunteered with was doing that show, listening to the music obsessivelyto learn the music and taking voice lessons. In December of 2002 he was cast in the part he wanted, Younger Brother; he was ecstatic. He worked his ass off for that part, and loved every minute of it. The show was a huge success, and during crunch time he perfomred brilliantly; so much so that the rest of the cast recognizedd him at the banquet after the show with a Best Supporting Lead award. It was an amazing experience. I was so proud of him, and I had never seen him happier than he was during Ragtime, dumping all the energy he had into something he loves.
While the New Job is less glitzy and not as broadway as the Ragtime experience, he's still spending the majority of him time spending what he really likes to do, and that same kind of comtentment and energy is starting to ooze out into every other area of his life. Seeing him happy again like that is absolutely thrilling.
I think we're going to be staying is Calgary for a while. =)
Speaking of which, I have a PhD application due imminently. Now with more sodium. Sweet Jesus.