Natalie Zed: Defying Gravity

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

A Few Reasons Why I Love My Job

"It's very important that you develop a sense of Cheese Confidence."

"This is delicious. Try some."

"For the first while. try to sample five cheese a shift. Once you get more familiar with the case, ,you should still sample anything you haven't seen before when it comes in, and when we open new wheels. This way, you get a sense of how a cheese can vary from wheel to wheel."

"Dude. You totally just put your boob in the Bleu de Bresse."

"Ha! I get to poke the Chateau de Bourgoine."
"But you just poked the Riopelle!"
"But I won."
"It's not fair."
"The Quater of Dispute Settlement is wise and terrible. Do not question it."
"But I want to --"
"You two aren't poking the brie again, are you?"
"..No."


*interrupting a meeting between The Owner, and the two Almighty Store Managers*
"I would just like you all to know I not only managed to work the slicer, but didn't sever any digits in the process."
*I get genuine applause."

"K won't be in today. He's building snake cages for the reptile show."

"Cut this Telaggio for me."
"Ew. Delicious, yet...the rind."
"I know."
"I get to cut it because I'm new, eh?"
"Damn straight. Cut it good, Cheese Slave."


"That gruyere you sold me changed my life. Can you recommend something else?"

"The Owner brought in some samples she needs our opinion on. Try some of this Mac and cheese."
Natalie Zed updated @ 1:27 PM!! 3 comments

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

In Other News: Rebellious Elves Stab Fat Slavemaster with Peppermint Shiv

Fair and patient readers, I am finally back from my sojourn to Ontario. And oh what a glorious trip it was.

The time I spent with my parents in Windsor and Amherstburg was unbelievably restful.I did a little visiting and a little cooking, took a lot of long walks, wrote a little, and generally just recuperated from the past, oh, two years or so. It was a little strange visiting them this time. It didn't feel like going home at all -- it felt like someplace I was visiting. But I as visiting someplace that I had a great connection to. The place is changing, and it is exactly the same. Sometimes you forget how much living you've done in a place until you're back, and remembering, and recognizing a particular turn as the place where you'd veer off the bike path to go down by the water and hunt for crayfish, or the bar that used to be the restaurant where my dad took me for breakfast every single day when I was in the third grade. It was strange and peaceful.

After a little over a week of nesting, I hopped on a train and headed to the T-dot. It was an absolute joy to see my friends again. Em met me at the train station, and I spent the first few days with her in her beautiful apartment. We bought comic books. We went to a party with great baba ganoush, and I met her fabulous cat Kumari, and I got to reconnect with Tiffany, who is the bad-assest knitter I've ever met. With Gennie, we saw some short plays and art films at Lab Cab at the Factory Theatre, had amazing coffee at the Bulldog (espresso, I weep for thee!), and wandered into a Jesus Parade. We capped it off with wine and cake and pasta with meat sauce made with SHEER LOVE.

I stayed with Gennie for the rest of the trip. I don't know what it is about her and her apartment and her little dog, Merlin, but for the first time in a long time, THINGS MAKE SENSE. There is something in the walls. Spending time there made me feel more centered and confident about what I have to do (and don't have to do) that I've felt in months. Spending time with the other half of my heart, with my dearest friends, made me sane again.

I got to see Jessica and spend some time with her and her amazing little boy. Jess is possibly the loveliest pregnant woman in the world right now. It was so good to see Tom again, too, and all the awesome building projects he's done/is working on in their apartment. Jess an Tom, like Natalee and Jeremy, are one of those couples with families that make me actively look forward to having kids. All my friends do, in fact -- I feel good about bringing children into a world where my friends exist.

There was a moment, when Gennie and Emily and Jessica and Tiffany and I were all in Gennie's apartment, with Merlin eating a stuffed toy, Tiffany finishing her amazing fall socks and Gennie crocheting a 'purse' that turned into a hat. Tiffany pointed out how good it was to have a group of women, all such close friends, and it was -- but it wasn't just good, it was powerful. My friends reminded me about magic. I hadn't exactly forgotten but I hadn't exactly been paying attention either.

So I'm back now. I am a writer and a kitchen witch and a cheesemonger. I am a wife and a student and a part of a triple goddess. It is so so good to have friends to keep me from getting lost in a world full of Muggles. It's good to be back.
Natalie Zed updated @ 10:51 AM!! 2 comments

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Walschots Family Soundbites

Each of the following statements was actually uttered by either me, my mom, or my dad, which we were in Detroit today visiting the DIA.

While in line at customs, being approached by three very large, very unfriendly-looking agents and one german shepherd: "Look, a drug puppy! Do we have any biscuits?"

"People in Medieval Times didn't have nipples. "

"Which one of your crazy, clock-melting guys did this one?"

"Professor X says sculpture is what you back in to when you're getting a better look at the paintings."

"Does that giant electrical socket symbolize a vagina?"

"I would definitely wear that ring. I'd wear it and a RED HAT."

"Aphrodite is way fatter than me."

That guy has the same mole I have! Do you think we could be related? The beard!"

"That looks like a fajita. Hey! Can we do mexican for lunch? Didn't one of the ladies at target say there was mexican around here somewhere? Fvah-Gie-Tahs!"
Natalie Zed updated @ 8:05 PM!! 0 comments

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

in the shop

It is a less-than-well-advertised fact that I am currently in Ontario. I've been staying with my family for a week today and on Friday I'lll be heading off to visit friends. I didn't realize how much I needed this. I had no iea how tired I was until I saw the bedroom I'd slept in for the first 19 years of my life. There's a lot of concentrated sleep in that room. It's in the walls. It radiates out of the glow-in-the-dark stars still stuck to the ceiling. The new bed made no difference. For the first days, I slept 12 hours a night and took naps during the day. I didn't know I was so exhausted until I collapsed.

It's been a great week. I cooked for my parents, took a ride in the Jag with my dad, got a pedicure with my mom. Mom and I took my Mima to the movies to see Little Miss Sunshine, which was even more awesome th second time ( my mom kept covering her mouth at the good parts, and the language). I have watched too much television, especially CSI, which my parents are also addicted to. We'll be chatting a bit, then one of us will pipe up "SHH! Grissom is saying something!" And we all immediately fall silent and LEAN CLOSER to the television. My mom gave me new running shoes and my dad bought be a beautiful cook book called Culinary Artistry . We have hit several yard sales. I bought cute sweaters for a dollar. I am rereading my old comic books, The Maxx and Tank Girl and the Death graphic novels. We've having a little dinner party and going to the DIA later this week. It's been so gloriously simple. I have needed this.

The most uncomfortably part of my trip so far has been a trip to the OB-GYN. I this doctor much better than my former crotch specialist, and it was good to get some questions answered and a prescription refilled. However, immediately post-OB-GYN, I had to get my passport picture taken. Consequently, my picture's expression is essence of "I just visited my OB-GYN, bringing me closer to a cavity seach than I am comfortable with, so I am going to try and appear extra innocent but wind up looking daft." I also tilted my face to try and hide my double chin, and really only succeeded in displaying insides of my nostrils. Good times. =)
Natalie Zed updated @ 8:33 AM!! 0 comments