Natalie Zed: Defying Gravity

Tuesday, April 06, 2010

Bricks and Roads and Things

This blog is done.

My contributions to it have been dwindling over time. Where once I posted multiple times a week, now I'm lucky if I can manage a single post a month.

It isn't laziness. I have written more in the last few months, both in volume and regularity, than ever before. But this place, this page, this mode of being no longer fits.

As the url suggests, I started this blog as a very young woman, the month after I married my ex-husband. I intended it to be a exploration of my married life, the balancing act of being an academic as well as a member of a permanent partnership.

In the space of a very few years, there was a great deal of change, and death, and bad weather. I lost friends and family and, finally, I lost my partner.

The purpose of this blog shifted; I retitled it (though the url remained the same). What began as a chronicle of my professional and married life became a record of my own personal disaster, and the aftermath. I used this space, partly, to write myself back together. Every post represented a moment that I felt a little bit better, a little bit brighter. Now, I feel like the bandages are off, the reconstructive surgery is complete. And while I am unrecognizable, I am whole again.

Now, this space feels like a monument. It is here, and it is done. There is nothing more I can possibly add to what began as the public journal of a girl, barely an adult, who believed that she would be married for the rest of her life. I can no longer define myself by either that partnership or by its end.

Thanks, everyone. This trip has been long and strange. See you soon, somewhere new.
Natalie Zed updated @ 1:51 p.m.!!