This morning, however, I happened to have that rare experience. The inside of my chest is filled with a hot, slow, wet feeling, like magma welling to the surface. My mouth is full of sparks. My hands shake. I feel like I must be radiating, shining out an ugly kind of light. Radiant.
The surprising thing is that I am grateful for the experience. It was incredibly illuminating. I can see clearly now the character of those around me. I see more of what has happened in my wake, and a little bit more of what lies ahead. I have seen my way through a couple of conversations that needed to take place, that were very murky only a day ago. I can see through more that I could before.
Above all, however, I am grateful for the challenge. Anyone who knows me, really knows me, knows what happens to me when someone tells me a thing cannot be done, that I am incapable of it.
So. Thank you for saying what you did. Do not apologize. I am glad, deeply glad that I saw it. Don't worry, you have said nothing that has not been said before and worse, and to my face. I have certainly been accused of being crazy before, and I have always looked carefully at those levelling the accusation and taken it with a grain of salt. No harm done.
I must tell you, though: you are mistaken. I do not "fold." I do not give in. I couldn't care less what you think, really, but you told me I could not. You've levelled a challenge.
Thank you.
Watch me. Just watch.
Labels: Anger Management, Moving to Toronto
