Hawk: So what did you do on the weekend?
Me: I went to my friends' wedding on Saturday. It was great.
Me: Then Sunday I had to work.
Me: Then it got interesting.
Me: Well, the bride, groom, best man, maid of honour, and one of the ushers all went out to dinner Sunday night. You know Soba Ten?
Me: So we're eating dinner. My seat is facing the dinner. I am about to put some yakitori into my mouth when I see a guy attack a homeless man.
Me: It was crazy. This big dude grabbed the homeless guy by the jacket and started shaking him. I told my friends what was going on and the bride looked, then called 911.
Hawk: Holy shit.
Me: So I watched the guy hit the homeless man in the side of the head, then I ran outside and --
Hawk: You what?
Me: I'm a moron. Anyway, I ran outside just as this guy was dragging the the homeless man into traffic. I yelled something at him -- probably "stop" or something -- and he didin't even look up, but let the guy go and started walking really casually away.
Hawk: You went outside.
Me: I said it was stupid. So we helped the guy to the curb and the police showed up. They were very cordial to us and surprisingly polite to the homeless man -- one was a little grumpy, but in general they were great. We had to fill out witness statements and everything.
Hawk: Your life is far more interesting than mine.
Me: It was pretty crazy.
Hawk: So are you going to have to go to court?
Me: Probably not. They picked the attacker up right away -- He was just walking down the street. Very casual. Apparently he didn't think beating up a homeless man was a big deal.
Me: The hilarious part was really out statemets.
Hawk: Why's that?
Me: They were given by two English grad students and a librarian. We all filled the whole page and then when the cop was going over them, were all keen about it -- asking if our descriptions were good, if they were helpful -- you'd have thought we were being graded on them.
Me: We also learned what a peace bond was. Our cop had to go check for us. It was actually really interesting.
Hawk: Only you would manage to turn an assault into an educational experience.