Natalie Zed: Defying Gravity

Monday, April 16, 2007

It was only a matter of time until I got grumpy again

Dear Fashion Industry,

I think we should see other people.

I know you might take this poorly, but we haven't seen eye to eye in a long time. How long has it been since we really spent any time together? Shared a common interest? I think that time apart will really help us both gain perspective on the situation, and, really, I just don't think you're good for me.

First of all, you never think about my needs. I mean, half-pants? Pants that end right at the knee? Pants that end at the knee, CLING to the knee, then PUFF OUT like a PANTALOON?! I am a short girl and I weigh more than 80 pounds. Clearly you're just thinking about yourself and never considering that I might want to look something other than stumpy and fat.

Also, you really don't know anything about me. Your colour choice for this spring is clear evidence of the fact that we just don't connect. Pale, anemic yellow? I look like I have comsumption in that colour, and it's EVERYWHERE. You clearly haven' considered my feelings at all, and I am tired of trying to have faith. Next season will be better, I think, and it's only getting worse.

Finally -- and I don't even want to bring it up, but I feel I must -- the footwear fiasco. I know we've agreed to disagree on this matter for a long time, but I can't just let it go anymore. HEELS AND JEANS!? I've suffered enough jeans trying to avoid wearing heels with formal wear, but now you've mated them with casual wear? That's low. Also, the slouchy-boot-with-heel, it -- You know, I can't even talk about it any more.

We need some time apart. It's for the best. You need someone younger and thinner and more impressionable than me, and I need to wear burgundy hiking boots. Maybe one day we can be friends, but for now, let's make it a clean break.

take care,



Natalie Zed updated @ 11:00 a.m.!!