Natalie Zed: Defying Gravity

Friday, October 13, 2006

Why our future offspring are already doomed

First, a shout-out to Tiffany over at One Red Sock: the hats arrived today. They are PERFECT. Thank you so much for the skill and effort you put in to them. You are a goddess. It was so exciting to get them. J said they might use them as part of their halloween costumes. Send me an email (I don't have your address) so I can send you pictures of the babies all veggie'd up.

Which bring me to my point of the day: I have been exposed to, and thinking a lot about, babies lately. Two of the most adorable babies on earth live right upstairs from me. Several members of the department are sporting bumps and due dates. Jessica is both expecting and has a toddler; a double whammy. So many of our friends back home have littles ones already running around or on the way, and all of them are beautiful. Henry and Romina's baby is WALKING (which I can barely believe), and you need to see the CHEEKS on Erin and Nick's little guy. There should be some kind of CHEEK WARNING/ ALERT LEVEL designed just for him. I want to dust him with powdered sugar and eat him.

See? You see what all you people are doing to me? I am a hip young person. Well, okay, I am not hip or cool in any way. But I was at leats hoping for a few more years before my ovaries dropkicked me in the brain. I hope you're all proud of yourselves.

So, while there is definitely nothing in the works and my uterus remains tenant-free for the time being, Ed and I have definitely started talking about babies. We disagree on names ( I like Tallulah, Annika and Sophia for a girl, whereas Ed is more partial to classics like Jane. I love the name Will for a boy, whereas he isn't that fond of it. We both like Eleanor, though.) and whereas I currently view babies as little bundles of wonder, cement rubber and farts, he still regards them as strange and delicate mechanical devices that are very difficult to troubleshoot. Also, they squirm.

But we've been talking, and over the course of the reproduction-related discussions we've had up to this point, I have come to one overarching conclusion: our kids are doomed.

There are two main contributing factors to this predetermined fate: their parents. Through a combination of genetic predisposition and the environment they'll be raised in, there are very little hope for our little Schmutzes. Or maybe little hope for their rst of the world. Either way, cute, cute doom.
Natalie Zed updated @ 10:22 a.m.!!