I may have had my first legitimate panic attack yesterday. My chest got tight and my vision went wonky, I was having a hard time making sense, and I wanted to cry and hyperventilate all at once. The reason? Could it have been that I am deep in the middle of work on my thesis, at the precarious point when I can both see ligth at the end of the tunnel yet am painfully aware of how much work is directly in my path? Perhaps the stresses of being one of a pair of inodinately busy people in the first year of marriage? New housemates? Existential angst?

Nope. It was because my house was messy.

I am so lame.

I've never had very much stuff. My parents have tons, heaps, bins of stuff -- very nice, antique, fashionable stuff, but stuff nonetheless. Ed's mother has one of the most impressive collections of stuff I have ever seen amassed in one place -- ans she's gotten rid of a lot of it recently. Despite beign surrounded by people with lots of stuff, I've never been one to relish accumulating things for myself. Things I don't wear or use or care for anymore get left behind or given away or quickly donated, or even sold.

Ed and I have been in our apartment a while now -- it'll be two years as of this July. Over that period of time, things have...accumulated. I didn't realize quite how bad things had gotten until I tried to clean a closet as a break from Roland Barthes, and my lungs decided to completely deflate in terror.

I am a gypsy. I need to pick up and move at a moments notice. There is no way I can do that if I am keeping the BOX that belongs to a KETTLE I bought WHEN I FIRST MOVED. Gah.

When all was said and done, we got rid of about 5-6 boxes of pure garbage, set aside three more boxes and a grbage bag full of clothing to donate, and identified a coffee table and three chairs that can all go off to meet their maker. Soon, we are going to Ikea to get some more shelving, so all the stuff we decided to keep can get OFF THE FLOOR and be stacked NEATLY ON SHELVES rather than IN INFURIATING LITTLE PILES THAT MAKE ME *STABBITY.*

In the mean time, however, the place is looking much better already. I have sprung-cleaned. I feel much freer and more portable, and it's juat warm enough that I can open up the apartment for airing. Things are improving.

On another hateful note, has anyone else heard of Body Mints? It's a full -body deodorizer that you take orally. I ran into this product in London Drugs while seeking out a spool of Cat-5 cable. Basically, it is a high dose of chlorophyll, so your very pores exude a minty aroma. Congratulations. Rather than smelling like a human being, you can take a pill. you know what else makes you smell nice? SHOWERING. and BRUSHING YOUR TEETH. god.

that is all.