I know. I know. I am a smart person and I should have figured that out my damn self. I have eyes and relatively passable skills of observation, and plenty of married folk to look at in my everyday surroundings. I mean, I knew that things were going to be different. In fact, if asked, I would readily and happily admit that things are very different. But, for some reason, I didn't equate different or changing drastically with any kind of difficulty because am a) usually pretty flexible and thrive on change, and b) am just stupid sometimes.
I figured something out today: the best thing about being married (for me, anyway) is also trning out to be the most difficult thing. I have been asked several dozen times since July if I feel any difference since getting hitched -- especially since Ed and I were living together before the big merger of lives and stuff for all eternity. My answer has always been yes, and it was this: everything was much more certain and secure. When you're dating someone, living with them, even if you have been with them for years and your stuff and cats and lives are all indistinguishable from each other, there is forever an unspoken caveat attached to everything you say and all the plans you make. Whenever you say you're going on a vacation or buying a house or doing whatever in X number of months or years, there's always the silent, but definitely attached, 'if we're still together' tag. And like any tag, no matter how comfortable the rest of the sweater is, it iches intolerably.
Being married took that tag off. The default setting has been switched from 'if' to 'when.' There is a constant, subconscious assumption (whatever the culture says otherwise) that we will be togther now for the rest of our lives. It's a wonderful, safe feeling that makes plans and discussions and even buying groceries so much less stressful, because you know no matter what you're be bringing your plans to fruition, whether buying a house or just eating dinner, together.
However, now we're together forever. And I, unexpectedly and much to my deep chagrin, am getting grumpy. With the caveat removed and all that forever-ness firmly in place, I am finding that stuff I would have ordinarily blown off or ignored or not even notice is starting to rankle. Things I knew completely and full well about Ed before the ring was on my finger, things I maybe even thought were cute, are suddenly very very obvious. I DO NOT want to be an irritable wife. I am not a grumpy person. But I think that since I know now that it's not my boyfriend who is competitive or forgetful or waits until he has absolutely no underpants left to do the laundry, it is my HUSBAND now and I am going to be living with it for the rest of my life.
I love Ed. he reads to me and smells fantastic and tracks down hilarious videos on the internet. He keeps out homw network running smoothly and is adorable when he watches football, and likes my cooking. I love him. He is the only one for me.
But when we're playing Mario Party 7, and he starts PICKING ON ME MERCILESSLY IN THE MINIGAMES because I was WINNING until he started CHEATING, really serious start considering KILLING HIM IN HIS SLEEP.
Also, he cheats at Settlers of Catan. And he takes way too long to take his turns in Civilization IV. AUTOMATE YOUR WORKERS some of the damn time.
Finally, the next time we're talking, and he gets that glazed over look and snickers, because he's doing comedy in his head, I am either going to take a deep breath and count and calmly ask him to rejoin the conversation, or STAB MYSELF IN THE EYE WITH AN ICEPICK. I lover Richard Jeni too, and punkfaggot is a hilarious word, BUT WE ARE TALKING ABOUT BUYING A CAR OR OUR RELATIONSHIP OR SOME SERIOUS CRAP AND BY THE WAY IF I STEP ON ONE MORE USED KLEENEX ON THE FLOOR I AM GOING TO DRINK LIQUID PLUMBR.
Marital bliss. =)